LOST IN MY SELF~!

I CAN SAY THAT RIGHT I AM LOST IN MY SELF. I DON'T HAVE A PLAN FOR MY SELF OTHER THAN STUDY STUFF. I DON'T EVEN HAVE A SECURE MIND THINKING, ALWAYS NEGATIVITY INSIDE OF MY HEAD. ALL THE WORDS THAT CAME OUT FROM MY MOUTH WAS FROM MY MIND. SO I MEAN IT AND ITS HURT OTHER PEOPLE FEELING. I HAVE BEEN MOTIVATED MYSELF TO NOT TO BELIEVED ANYBODY SO HARD AND AT THE END, I HAVE TO PAY THE FINE. HOW I CAN REDEEM BACK ALL OF MY MISTAKE? TOTALLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW I CAN DO IT. 

YOU CAN SEE IM SMILING, BEING CRAZY, LOUD, FUN, HYPERACTIVE ALL DAY LONG IN FRONT OF YOU GUYS.. BUT, WHEN I GOT BACK HOME... EVERYTHING IS JUST SO WRONG. YAH, ITS MIGHT BE JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I DON'T KNOW. EVERYTHING IS JUST NOT THE SAME! NOT THE SAME LIKE I USED TO. 

I WANTED MY SELF BACK. LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF MY LIFE IS JUST WRONG. GOTTA TELL YA, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I AM TALKING ABOUT. ITS LIKE EMPTY WORDS FROM ME BUT ITS HURTS.. PEOPLE SAID THAT YOUR LIFE NEVER GONNA BE  PERFECT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PROBLEMS. BUT THIS IS TOO PERFECT FOR ME. WHAT M I SUPPOSED TO DO? OTHER THAN PRAY TO GOD. I AM RECENTLY.. ITS WORKING.. OTHER THAN THAT. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I FEELS SO LOST WITH MYSELF. THE FULL EVENT ANTICIPATION JUST MAKES ME FEEL WANNA BURST~~ ITS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN... AND ITS MY MOMENT I THINK THAT WAKE UP CALL FROM ANYBODY NEVER GONNA CHANGED ME. IT IS FROM MY SELF. 

FRIEND COMES AND GO, MONEY COMES AND GO, CAR COMES AND GO, A LOT OF THING COME AND GO. BUT HOW CAN I CHOOSE TO NOT TO LET IT GO. I AM NOT REGRET WHEN I HATES SOMEBODY. I REGRET THE THINGS THAT I WANNA TO STAY TILL THE LAST BEAT OF MY HEART  GONE. 

YOU CAN SAY THAT TROUBLE IS OUR FRIEND. YES IT IS. IT IS ACTUALLY THE BEST DEMON THAT YOU HAVE INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD. YOU WANT YOUR FUTURE, YOU CAN HAVE IT...JUST ERASE ME FROM YOUR PAST.. I NEED YOU TO GONE FAST. THATS WHAT PEOPLE SAID THAT WHEN THEY HATE YOU.